Friday, February 06, 2009

Gray is my color these days

moods and feelings are funny things. i have been up and motivated all week in fact for several weeks. then last night i found myself in such a despair about my writing goals and aspirations. i am ready to just give it all up again. one thing i realized is that i have been here before. i traveled down this road at the writers spa in taos, i came out of it stronger and i do hope that happens again. sometimes i wonder why do i want to be a writer anyway, it is so hard. where did this idea come from in the first place... i have been trying to remember that line from the alchemist "When you want something all the universe conspires to help you achieve it" ...part of me keeps saying ok universe get to conspiring because I am just not feeling it lately.

when i was at the writers spa the meltdown occurred when i put too high of expectations on myself. its the same project that is causing all the trauma... is this a sign to let it go and move on to something else or is it just giving me one more opportunity to work through it all. sometimes its hard to know where your next step should be.

i have not been doing any art at all so this gray page was a way to start again and dump my feelings on to the page once more in hope i will soon come out on the other side. i decided earlier that i would go take photographs but the weather is not cooperating at all. so i will head to town for an artist date of sorts, maybe a trip to an art store or a museum, i need some way to get out of the space i am in.


Janet said...

I understand about gray days. I think we all have them from time to time. The secret is not to let them take over for too long. Let Zoe show you the way! (I've been catching up on your blog. I love the woven piece you had on a couple of days ago. Beautiful!!)

Pam Aries said...

You will come out of the grey and into the Blue! I like the idea of your grey page. Writing is really hard..I can't even begin to write ..even after taking classes and giving it go. I think you do really well..don't be too hard on your Self.

Dan n Kai said...

Aloha Kate,
my hair is in sympathy with your gray days!!
Writing is something I'm doing every day, if I stop I fear the *flow* won't come back...
You're such a talented's the worlds loss if you stop..
peace, Kai

Olivia said...

Hi, Kate,

I hope the rest of your day was an improvement. I think that all writer go through this. I'm not sure yet that I'd call myself a writer, but I go through it all the time.

Maybe instead of forcing it to happen, you need to let it go and see how you feel. See if you miss it or if it's a huge relief. And then see how things change (or not) as time goes by.

Let us know how your day went, and good for you for sharing and trying to pull yourself out of it!

Love to you,


Anonymous said...

I'm sending you a virtual hug Kate. Sounds like you took care of the second part of the prescription... when all else fails, get out the paints and glue and glitter!

Hang in their sister-writer, you'll come out the other side!!