Friday, February 06, 2009
Gray is my color these days
moods and feelings are funny things. i have been up and motivated all week in fact for several weeks. then last night i found myself in such a despair about my writing goals and aspirations. i am ready to just give it all up again. one thing i realized is that i have been here before. i traveled down this road at the writers spa in taos, i came out of it stronger and i do hope that happens again. sometimes i wonder why do i want to be a writer anyway, it is so hard. where did this idea come from in the first place... i have been trying to remember that line from the alchemist "When you want something all the universe conspires to help you achieve it" ...part of me keeps saying ok universe get to conspiring because I am just not feeling it lately.
when i was at the writers spa the meltdown occurred when i put too high of expectations on myself. its the same project that is causing all the trauma... is this a sign to let it go and move on to something else or is it just giving me one more opportunity to work through it all. sometimes its hard to know where your next step should be.
i have not been doing any art at all so this gray page was a way to start again and dump my feelings on to the page once more in hope i will soon come out on the other side. i decided earlier that i would go take photographs but the weather is not cooperating at all. so i will head to town for an artist date of sorts, maybe a trip to an art store or a museum, i need some way to get out of the space i am in.