Gray is my color these days

moods and feelings are funny things. i have been up and motivated all week in fact for several weeks. then last night i found myself in such a despair about my writing goals and aspirations. i am ready to just give it all up again. one thing i realized is that i have been here before. i traveled down this road at the writers spa in taos, i came out of it stronger and i do hope that happens again. sometimes i wonder why do i want to be a writer anyway, it is so hard. where did this idea come from in the first place... i have been trying to remember that line from the alchemist "When you want something all the universe conspires to help you achieve it" ...part of me keeps saying ok universe get to conspiring because I am just not feeling it lately.

when i was at the writers spa the meltdown occurred when i put too high of expectations on myself. its the same project that is causing all the trauma... is this a sign to let it go and move on to something else or is it just giving me one more opportunity to work through it all. sometimes its hard to know where your next step should be.

i have not been doing any art at all so this gray page was a way to start again and dump my feelings on to the page once more in hope i will soon come out on the other side. i decided earlier that i would go take photographs but the weather is not cooperating at all. so i will head to town for an artist date of sorts, maybe a trip to an art store or a museum, i need some way to get out of the space i am in.

Day 11

A little drawing for day 11 on this journal journey. I started this in graphite pencil and then added colored pencil. I usually do these when I am drawing in church. I ended up using grey for the hair and then I didn't like that so added this brown. It actually looks better in person.

Its been a weird day, feeling up and down winding up taking a nap and felt renewed. This winter has been strange as I am finding the lack of sun depressing. I have never been one of those people who had problems with the lack of sun in winter but I seem to be this year. i am not sure what to do about it but try to get in the light more often and take it easy on myself when I am feeling down.

I signed up for a photography class that starts on Wednesday. Its at our local college and they have a reputation for not filling classes and so they cancel. I am hoping that doesn't happen this time. I really want to learn how to use this camera and this class is the best way for me.

Out of Darkness

Here is yesterdays page, I find myself in a depression again, I really hate it but feel captured by it. I hope it doesn't last long. When I was making this I just wanted to walk through the doorway and see a brighter different world than my own. It would be so simple if we could just do that.

There are many people participating in Misty's 31 days of art journaling. You can see a list of participants at the link above. There is some wonderful art being created out there so check out some of those links.













Oh and yes the kitten is still indoors and taking over my life. His name is Boromir now and we call him Bo for short. Sarah wanted to name our last cat that name but it was a girl. So now she gets her wish. For those unaware he is a character in Lord of the Rings, her favorite one. He is a little cutie trying to capture my heart.